He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
