even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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