u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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