Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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