I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
