take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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