Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
