and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
