I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
