HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
