Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
