somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
