If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
