i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
