Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
