You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
