your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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