Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just cropdusted the office
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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