You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
