Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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