I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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