You're so nebulous sometimes
I skipped work to stalk him.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
