I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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