They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
