It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize