I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
