guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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