Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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