she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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