Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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