my sisters under your porch take her home
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
