She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She told me I should be a condom model.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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