Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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