Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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