Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
