he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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