I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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