What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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