You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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