Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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