Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
