There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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