I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
