It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize