i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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