I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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