so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
