HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
