FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize