A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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