So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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