I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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