Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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