a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Can I color on your dick again?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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