Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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