please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
