She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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