I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
