So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
