I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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