fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
