Don't make out with my wife yet
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
