I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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