Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
