what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
