Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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