i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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