all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize