Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
