): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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