If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have tasted many bathrooms
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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