My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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