We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
