Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
